Steve writes: This is a post by my friend Phil. If you’ve been reading this publication, you’ve met him before. And if not, you can find more from and about him HERE. The post has four parts: 1. the introductory bit; 2. the music bit; 3. the fanboy bit; 4. the playlist bit… plus a footnote bonus bit at the end…
Take the pieces and build them skywards
By Philip Lee
1. The introductory bit
Now you, just like me, have probably spent quite a bit of time wondering what it would be like to be an alcoholic ultra-runner1 working in the music industry. It’s an issue we have all probably grappled with for some considerable time but worry no more. There is now a book that explains it all.
That introduction may sound a bit facetious when you understand the context of where this is going, but I just wanted to make you think. Because this article talks about a book and associated music that will resonate with anyone who has ever wondered how they got into a difficult position in their lives.
It is clear from the author that this is not meant to be a self help book. But it is a particularly fantastic book called There Is No Wall (Running Won’t Save You) written by the wonderful Allie Bailey. This book is simply inspiring. The writing is beautiful, sweary, moving and brutally honest. This happens very rarely to me but I can confess to both laughing and crying at times reading it.
(You may be wondering at this point what on earth this has to do with music but just bear with me. Honestly, it’s worth it and you will not regret it).
I had never met Allie until recently but I have followed her exploits on Instagram for some time now. In fact the closest I had got to meeting her is when she once ‘liked’ a comment I put on one of her Insta posts (I treasure that moment.) Trust me that some of the ultras she competes in are remarkable. To have completed many of them as an alcoholic dealing with a raging hangover is even more so.
Now I’m a runner but I’m definitely not an ultra-runner, I don’t work in the music industry and I’m not an alcoholic (I don’t think). But the book resonates on many levels with the day to day struggles that we can all face and the power of having friends in your life. Especially those friends that we may not have treated as well as we could but who still stick with us (they are a special breed).
It’s fair to say that this is a fairly warts and all book about the disease of alcoholism and Allie’s descent, subsequent realisation and rise from what was a genuinely life threatening condition.
2. The music bit
One of the things I loved about the book is that each chapter comes with a recommendation to listen to a particular track of music (I told you we’d get to the music part of this article but you were starting to doubt me weren’t you?). I really loved that part of the book and enjoyed looking for the connections between the suggested piece of music and each chapter.
I was introduced to artists I hadn’t come across before and was also reminded of music that I hadn’t heard for a long time. I enjoyed the music choices so much that I created a Spotify playlist of all the tracks and that playlist regularly accompanies me on my (non-ultra) runs. The playlist is just over an hour so perfect for a nice trail run, a session in the gym if that’s your thing or listening to with a cup of tea and a biscuit on the settee.
There is one track, and Steve will say that he would have guessed it because I’m not great at getting into new music, that is just a stunning piece. Now, before everyone disagrees with me, let me say there are no bad songs on the playlist!
I’ve probably heard this song dozens and dozens of times in my life but until I heard it alongside Chapter One of Allie’s book, entitled “What The Fuck Happened”, I don’t think I’d really listened to it.
These Are The Days Of Our Lives by Queen is quite simply a moving, beautiful piece of music. Freddie’s vocals are other-worldly, yearning and stunning and Brian May’s guitar solo is just achingly brilliant. I believe Freddie was quite poorly when it was recorded in 1991 so when he whispers “I still love you” just before the end it feels incredibly poignant (see also the bonus vid in the footnotes)2
I never intended to talk about all of the music on Allie’s playlist here, but Machines by Biffy Clyro also absolutely deserves a mention. The song is from their Puzzle album released in 2007. It was written by Simon Neil and documented his struggles with the passing of his mother and picking himself up from a low point. And it’s also a very moving and beautiful piece of work. I understand why Allie would have this on her playlist and so will anyone who has ever been in a bad place.
The song is a lovely stripped back piece of music and his voice is sad – almost harrowing – as he tells us, “Take the pieces and build them skywards.” Beautiful in its simplicity and not a bad metaphor for life.
3. The fanboy bit
This book is a moving and sometimes harrowing description of Allie’s adolescence, into university and the discovery of drinking, and the sometimes wonderful and sometimes brutal world of work.
When I started writing this I hadn’t met Allie but since then I have done. I went to see her doing a series of talks to support the release of the book and for people to hear first hand the incredible struggles she has gone through.
One “critic” described the talk as like “paying to get kicked in the nuts for an hour and a half”. It was certainly uncomfortable, upsetting, heartbreaking, brutal, sweary, very funny and many other adjectives that I can’t think of just now. And it was worth every penny and every moment. Allie is a brilliant and inspiring speaker.
I had fully intended to have a chat with her after the talk and, of course, took my copy of the book to get signed. Sadly, the questions I had prepared went out of my head as I turned into a stuttering fan boy and said something along the lines of “I think you’re brilliant, can I have a photo?”.
It was pathetic but she was very kind and I managed a brief chat. She took my phone from my rather shaky hand, took a selfie of us, which she said was very cute (another moment I shall treasure) then signed my book. At that I walked off into the street slightly annoyed by my inability to speak coherently. But it had been a fantastic evening.
Now, I’m not a music critic or a literary critic so I don’t have the ability to express myself well enough to do either the song choices or this book justice. So all I can say is read the book and listen to the music because it will make so much sense when you do. You’ll probably laugh and you may well cry but you won’t regret it.
And you’ll definitely say, “That Allie Bailey is one fucking hell of a chick”.3
4. The playlist bit
From: There Is No Wall by Allie Bailey, published by Vertebrate Publishing 2024
“Music has been and will always be a hugely important part of my life, so there is a playlist that accompanies this opus; you can find it on Spotify. These are songs I clung to in the darkest times and shouted from the rooftops in the brightest. These songs give me solace and connection as well as freedom and fuck-you energy. They are songs that take me back to exact moments in my life, both euphoric and desolate. They are my turn-shit-around songs, my something-is-wrong songs, my you-have-broken-my- fucking-heart songs, my nobody-understands-me songs. I encourage every single person that reads this book to listen to that playlist and chase up the artists in question. In some cases, these bands are as much responsible for giving me acceptance of myself and my situation as running and sobriety have been. Special mention to Frightened Rabbit, The National, Bon Iver, Biffy Clyro and Arcade Fire. On some occasions, they have stopped me doing some pretty stupid shit, only because for the moments that I wrapped myself up in their words and music, I felt like somebody else understood me.”
5. The footnote & bonus bit
Ultra running involves running events and races that are over marathon length (that is over 26.2 miles). They are often over hills and rugged terrain as well, which makes them much more challenging than they might sound at first (which is very…). Events can be anything from 50 km to much, much longer than that. Allie Bailey has done lots of ultras, eleven of them 100 milers, and over 200 marathons. She’s also set records and had lots of world firsts. You can find out more about her and ultra running at alliebailey.co.uk/about, on her instagram: instagram.com/ab_runs/ and in her book, of course: There Is No Wall (Running Won’t Save You. Or you may have a friend or relative (in Steve’s case, his nephew, Dave, instagram.com/54northrunning/) who could tell you all about it! You will think they are absolutely crackers, but it’s a wonderful community to be part of (apparently).
Bonus 1: This beautiful video, a tribute to Freddie Mercury as he was recording the video for These are the days of our lives, captures the love felt for him by his band as he approached his death from AIDS in November 1991.
Bonus 2: Just released this year is a new film, Allie by Cornish filmmaker and photographer, Toby Lowe: “British Ultra runner Allie Bailey attempted the Arc of Attrition - a notorious 100 mile race around the coast of Cornwall, United Kingdom, in the depths of winter. The race was intended to mark a significant milestone on her road to sobriety. Instead it became her first DNF (Did Not Finish). This is the story of her return to 'The Arc'.” This is the trailer, the full 45-minute film is available to rent on Vimeo now. https://vimeo.com/ondemand/allie
Absolutely love this Phil! Such a great post - going to look up the book now!